Narcissist Recovery Blog

The Key to Recovering from a Narcissist

The key to recovering from a narcissist is to find ourselves again. We must start having some self-compassion for ourselves for a change. We have an abundance of compassion for others, which is why the narcissist targeted us, but we never share any of it with ourselves!

We can be overly giving of ourselves to a fault. The narcissist knows this, which is why he/she chose us in the first place. Narcissists have an insatiable need to have someone cater to their needs at all times. Therefore, they target those they know have an overwhelming amount of empathy. They feed off of this type of person.

In order to recover, it is important that we understand we are "Empaths" or what is also known as a "Highly Sensitive Person." We are NOT "Codependents" NOR are we needy!!!!

Get on The Path Forward Now!!!!

"Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success is in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can.” ~ Douglas Pagels

I hope everyone's new year is off to a good start! I'm happy to announce that Goldie and I will start holding weekly support group meetings by phone every Wednesday beginning February 8th from 8pm to 9pm Central Standard Time.

The first ten people to enroll will be accepted into our first live support group meeting on The Path Forward!

We will be using a tele-conference call service and each member will be provided with a dial-in number and participant pin to call-in and access the meeting. We will be working the Six Steps on The Path Forward in an 8 week session from 2/8/12 to 3/28/12.

Happy New Year!

As we close out the year and get ready to bring in 2012, I want to encourage you to celebrate yourself this year!

Step 6 in The Path Forward is TO HEAL, which is where

"We have a newfound compassion for ourselves and commit to live in the moment."

I believe finding ourselves again, practicing self-compassion and living in the moment is the KEY to our recovery.

Many of us find it easy to have compassion for others, but have very little for ourselves. It never occurs to us to feel it for ourselves. We must lighten up, relax and go easy on ourselves for a change. Living life with an unconditional love for ourselves changes everything.

Happy Holidays!

I am a spiritual person, but not a religious person. The beauty of nature and miracle of life prove to me that a higher power exists beyond myself. I believe this higher power exists everywhere. We do not need to go to a church or a temple to be close to God. If that is something that helps us feel closer, then it’s a wonderful thing to do. At times, I do attend service. Inspiring sermons can be very powerful, especially at this time of year.

However, I know that in order to be close to God, I do not need to be anywhere other than with myself. God is within each one of us. It is this realization that has allowed me to find my spirituality.

The kingdom of heaven is within you.
(Luke 17:21)

Cherishing our Independence after the Narcissist

I just read an excellent article I want to share with all of you! A must-read showing how more and more women are choosing to be independent in life and are happy with this decision.

I'm not saying we should never date a man (quite the opposite) but why are we so consumed with finding one we can settle down with for the rest of our lives? Is this even realistic anymore or desirable for that matter?

Narcissists are like children who require constant attention and validation every second of the day. Without such ego-stroking, they become criticial, demeaning and cruel. When we first come out of a relationship with such a person, we find ourselves with lots of free time we don't necessarily know what to do with or how to spend.

Narcissism is Back as a Psychiatric Disorder!

Phew!! I must say I was extremely concerned in 2010 when the APA (American Psychological Association) announced it would be eliminating (NPD) Narcissistic Personality Disorder from their update to the DSM (Diagnostics & Statistics Manual)in 2013.

Fortunately, due to significant professional and public outcry, the APA has decided NOT to eliminate NPD as a psychiatric disorder!

Thank you, APA! Thank God! Thanks to everyone who has ever done anything to build awareness on the topic of pathological narcissism. It is NOT normal behavior and should NEVER be classified as such!

In my opinion, if the APA did eliminate NPD as a psychiatric disorder, it would be sending a message that narcissism has not only become an acceptable norm of behavior, but is now necessary for survival!

Happy Thanksgiving!

It is easy to forget the many blessings we have, which is why Thanksgiving is such an important time to cherish all we have to be grateful for in life. The present truly is a gift to be cherished. An attitude of gratitude can change your life.

When I stop in the moment and ask myself if I'm ok, I realize I'm not starving, I'm not oppressed and I'm not a prisoner of war somewhere. I'm in a safe place and have much to be grateful for in life.

We have to stop allowing ourselves to slip away from the present moment. Did you know that ALL of our anxiety comes from worrying about the future or regretting the past?

This little saying helps me re-focus when I find myself struggling to stay in the moment:

Yesterday is History
Tomorrow, a Mystery
Today is a Gift

Why the Narcissist can Dish it Out, but Can't Take It

This is an excellent article from "Psychology Today" that helps us understand how the narcissist perpetuates his own worst fear - being alone - by the way he responds to the people in his life who care about him the most.

"Blaming and excessively criticizing others to shore up an extraordinarily vulnerable ego--and reacting antagonistically in the face of anything regarded as critical of themselves--they keep others at a distance that renders any true intimacy impossible. The way they "set things up" in relationships, particularly intimate relationships, makes their self-created dilemma unsolvable."

No Contact - The Ultimate Revenge by Nemesis

Due to a busy work and teaching schedule, I have not been able to write blogs on hot topics being discussed in our forum lately. I apologize and hope to have more time to do this soon, but in the meantime, I'd like to share this amazing post written by Nemesis on the topic of revenge.

I particularly like this because I often see the topic of revenge come up here. I do not advocate revenge in any way, shape or form as I believe the best form of revenge is to live a happy life and two wrongs never make a right.

Additionally, while there are some Narcissists who border on the edge of Psychopathy, there are plenty of Narcissists who simply can't help themselves and do not hurt us with intent.

Why the Narcissist Cannot Accept Our Love

I just received the following message from Nemesis and with her permission, am sharing it with all of you as I feel it is very profound and should help many of us better understand why the narcissist simply cannot accept our love.

"It's really complicated - I had to do loads of reading about it before I could even begin to understand it and make it sink in. But from what I've read, I understand that they really can't handle someone loving them.

Why is the Bachelorette Falling for the Bad Boy?!

Ok, I can’t help myself. I indulge in reality television on Monday nights. It’s one of my guilty pleasures.
“Dancing with the Stars” because it’s a real competition and “The Bachelorette” because, well…..I am fascinated by human behavior.

Perhaps this is why I love teaching Organizational Behavior at Loyola University. Believe it or not, the instructor materials which accompany the textbook I’ve been assigned include powerpoint slides on the topic of Cognitive Dissonance.

Last week was my first class and I was so excited to educate the students on what Cognitive Dissonance means and why it causes us so much emotional distress.

Why We Must "Wake Up" to Recover from the Narcissist

Waking up and finding clarity is the key to our recovery. We fall hard for the Narcissist. We are in total bliss in the beginning. We can't believe we finally found our soul mate - he is everything we ever wanted in a man and more.

When his true colors start to show, we do everything we can to avoid acknowledging them. We don't want to admit that this man is not who we thought he was. Why would we want to admit this? I know I didn't want to - I spent 8 years banging my head against the wall blaming everything on myself, but why?